Tools and their uses

[J Hayes]

I found this on another forum. I just thought it to be interesting of how many can relate to the uses.
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POWER DRILL--An evil device used to make the wrong sized hole in various materials. Works especially well when drilling holes in floor pans above metal brake, Hydraulic, and gasoline lines.


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shoot!'

SKILSAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle.... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: (AKA BFH)Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-B TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a B!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[albie]

All too true,all too true

[Scott C.]

I always like that.

I have a safety tip.
Don't weld in flip flops.

Andy brought over his broken futon bed frame yesterday and I welded it in shorts and flip flops. Felt the occasional spark on the foot and knew the big one would come sooner or later.
Did I quit? Go change my shoes? Nope. It came.

[vince_o]

Or use an anvil and forge with flip flops!

[Scott C.]

That too.

[J Hayes]

LOL Added a new one !

POWER DRILL--An evil device used to make the wrong sized hole in various materials. Works especially well when drilling holes in floor pans above metal brake , Hydraulic, and gasoline lines.

[vince_o]

This fits so many P/O not to mention some members here like Ugly Jim, Scott, Tony, Dave, Cal,Dickerson never Dave K, Timmy D, or Mat G !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad !!!!!!!!!!!!!




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwGrC0KicSo&NR=1

[J Hayes]

Vince I got my whole tool box on the hood
I, 3lb short handled hammer,
2, A multi use screw driver / chisel combo,
3, a pair of vice grips
4, a half and 9/16 combo wrenches open end and box style, and last a long 15/16 box end to use as a cheater bar.
5 Oh I forgot---- I have a 3/8 drive round the corner ratchet.
didn't you say that's all I needed to work on a cub ?

I did pick up a pair of those right angle needle nose (good for ripping the ends off the spark plug wires.)
since I came a member of this forum I got a new motto " If it ain't broke fix it anyway "That way I can use all this valuable info to get it back on track .

[Jlaws]

One tool that I don't see listed is the adjustable wrench , aka cresent wrench or as I call it a %@&#+! knuckle buster ....
Handy because they come in assorted sizes 6-8-10-12 and 15 inches and larger to round off whatever size hardware your trying to remove.
Its handy for rounding off bolt heads , and bloodying knuckles in one motion .

[vince_o]

Jess

When I was striping coal, the service guys called them operators wrenches!

[jglass]

I always heard them called arkansas ratches. (no offence to any one from Arkansas)

[Klapatta]

Geezer is reporting in that he lost a lot of his data and it seems to me I recall that he likes this guy

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I have been known to fix things with rocks every now and then
Does that count?

[wdeturck]

You got to be taught correctly

I still have Primitive Pete(we got that book in seventh grade Machine shop in the one room school I attended)

I had to get a new tower with Windows 7 but I bought a box that lets me keep my old hard drive running and I can find a lot of the things I had on the computer if I can remember where I stored them.